Happy Hour Humor

Dear Random Guy in the bar,
I want to apologize for my unnecessary bashing of you last night. Although, you may have deserved it, I cannot say for sure. Under more sober circumstances, I would never have even talked to you, mainly because you looked like a arrogant tool, which you know because I told you. However, I felt that I owed society a favor. When you told my friend about how much money you make, what awesome things you own, how you are in from out of town, and looking to meet a good woman, I decided that I could give you some pointers. Brutally honest pointers.

So although I may have upset you and annoyed the hell out of your friends (except the one I'm pretty sure hates you, because he was very much enjoying my end of the conversation), you can think about what I said, and hopefully find yourself a nice lady. It was all true, too. I wasn't hanging out with you for your money. Hell, I wasn't hanging out with you at all, just inebriated in your general area. A) you can't wear a suit in a low key bar. B) you do have to at least pretend to have interests other than money. C) you're not gonna meet your future wife at a bar like this. D) again with the suit. I actually made fun of you when you first came in and I had five less drinks in me. That's just a no go.

So, in closing, I do kinda feel like an asshole. But, your money should make you feel better, right? It sounded to me like that was your support system. So go home and make love to it, because I'm pretty sure you didn't find anyone to take that job.

-drunk girl who needs to shut her mouth