If I'm sitting at lunch and not talking to you as I eat our cafeteria meal, really because it's free, I don't want to talk to you. If I did, I would probably say something. I'm not depressed, contemplating life, contriving my new plan to dominate the world, or thinking of a way to piss you off. I just don't want to talk. Pretty simple concept, really. So quit trying to invite me into the small talk. I know I'm invited, I came to lunch with you. Even if I wasn't, if I wanted to join in, I would anyway.
Yes, it's usually awful, but sometimes I want to sit and stare at my chickenesque food as I eat, and not converse. I see you every day, I talk to you every day - probably more than my husband, I'm not really that interesting of a person. I have run out of things to say. Please let me eat my crap in peace today.
even though you don't really care...
6.08.2009
6.06.2009
To beer bong, or not to beer bong
My husband and I are not really big drinkers, however we do like a drunk night on the porch now and again. So as my husband was teaching me how to shotgun a beer and it exploded into my face, burning my eyes, he asked if we were to old for a beer bong. Never being a beer bonger myself, I did not know the answer, and consulted some friends via text message. The only reply that I got was "I dunno", which is for obvious reasons, not helpful. So my question is, what is the appropriate cut off age for having a beer bong? Does it depend based on your life circumstances, or is there an age? I think that we could pretend now and then that we are drunk college students, might be a fun little role play.
6.04.2009
Screw you receipts
There are about ten times a year when I buy something and actually need or want to keep the receipt. It always reminds me of Mitch Hedberg - "here, you throw this away for me". I have decided to waste your time by listing my reasons for hating receipts, in no particular order.
1) My purse is a disaster. Which it is anyway. But the receipts add to it. They make it a fire hazard.
2) My car is a disaster. Which it is anyway. But the receipts add to it, in a more annoying way then my purse. I throw them around to get rid of them if I don't put them in my purse, and they are a pain when I decide it is the annual time to clean out my car.
3) Too much or too little info. Fast food places have way to much info. Do you really need an itemized receipt to see how fat you are being? Little shops just have a date and dollar amount - oh, my evil plan is working. No one will ever know what I bought!
4) People fucking push them on you like they are the black death. Here! Here! Take your receipt! I can't keep it! No, I can't throw it out for you! Come baaaaaaack...!
5) Corporate America makes sure that you get your receipt, or someone will pay. "If you don't receive a receipt, call 555-ASSHOLES." "If you don't receive a receipt, ask for our manager. He will have to be a pussy and give you something free, just because you didn't get a piece of paper that you don't want"
6) "Green" companies should boycott receipts. What a waste. I don't want to and it would probably take me way too long to figure out, so I don't know how many trees we are killing. But a lot I am sure. So I found this PETITION to stop stores from using receipts. My vote, they should ask you before your transaction. Do you want a receipt? Yes/No. Done! How easy, simple really. So please, go vote! And pass it on to others!!!
1) My purse is a disaster. Which it is anyway. But the receipts add to it. They make it a fire hazard.
2) My car is a disaster. Which it is anyway. But the receipts add to it, in a more annoying way then my purse. I throw them around to get rid of them if I don't put them in my purse, and they are a pain when I decide it is the annual time to clean out my car.
3) Too much or too little info. Fast food places have way to much info. Do you really need an itemized receipt to see how fat you are being? Little shops just have a date and dollar amount - oh, my evil plan is working. No one will ever know what I bought!
4) People fucking push them on you like they are the black death. Here! Here! Take your receipt! I can't keep it! No, I can't throw it out for you! Come baaaaaaack...!
5) Corporate America makes sure that you get your receipt, or someone will pay. "If you don't receive a receipt, call 555-ASSHOLES." "If you don't receive a receipt, ask for our manager. He will have to be a pussy and give you something free, just because you didn't get a piece of paper that you don't want"
6) "Green" companies should boycott receipts. What a waste. I don't want to and it would probably take me way too long to figure out, so I don't know how many trees we are killing. But a lot I am sure. So I found this PETITION to stop stores from using receipts. My vote, they should ask you before your transaction. Do you want a receipt? Yes/No. Done! How easy, simple really. So please, go vote! And pass it on to others!!!
6.02.2009
I think they're gonna get me
Although I was raised by a paranoid mother, I don't think that I myself am paranoid. But I'm not really sure. You see, I'm pretty sure if you are paranoid, then you don't know. But since I'm contemplating it, then I suppose I can't be.
I have a friend who, when we are at a gas station together, always has people talk to her. And it's not necessarily a safe gas station. It's a bulletproof glass by the cashier gas station. A they don't have public bathrooms gas station. Yet, whenever we stop there, someone always talks to her. They offer to give her free merchandise out of the back of their van, sell her half price cigarettes, talk about her car, chat about the weather, and ask her to donate for sick children. Yes, really all of these. She is so nice. Chatty. Makes eye contact. Continues the conversation.
Is she just more ballsy than me? Or stupider? Or am I really that much of a pussy?
In none of the aforementioned circumstances would I have even spoken to these people. I would have shaken my head like you do when you are walking past a homeless person that you may feel badly for, but really, you just can't look at them. They look like they have multiple bodily fluids on them, and that's really not okay to you.
So am I just an anti-social paranoid, or am I someone who actually has street smarts? Well, I know that I don't have a lot of street smarts, but enough to avoid being abducted by someone trying to get you to look at their cute puppy in the back of their panel van. And the puppy has candy. And half price cigarettes.
I have a friend who, when we are at a gas station together, always has people talk to her. And it's not necessarily a safe gas station. It's a bulletproof glass by the cashier gas station. A they don't have public bathrooms gas station. Yet, whenever we stop there, someone always talks to her. They offer to give her free merchandise out of the back of their van, sell her half price cigarettes, talk about her car, chat about the weather, and ask her to donate for sick children. Yes, really all of these. She is so nice. Chatty. Makes eye contact. Continues the conversation.
Is she just more ballsy than me? Or stupider? Or am I really that much of a pussy?
In none of the aforementioned circumstances would I have even spoken to these people. I would have shaken my head like you do when you are walking past a homeless person that you may feel badly for, but really, you just can't look at them. They look like they have multiple bodily fluids on them, and that's really not okay to you.
So am I just an anti-social paranoid, or am I someone who actually has street smarts? Well, I know that I don't have a lot of street smarts, but enough to avoid being abducted by someone trying to get you to look at their cute puppy in the back of their panel van. And the puppy has candy. And half price cigarettes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)