You really expect me to eat that?

MSN always has useless articles for me to read, that really only take up a moment of my time. I'll read them, even when I know I will hate myself for it. Well, apparently, there are some foods that we are not eating and should be.

Of course we're not eating them, MSN. Spicy pickled fermented cabbage? Pickled lunch herring? The noodle roots of an Asian yam... I have a few bones to pick about this. If you want Americans to get healthier, you will have to ease us into it. We're not eating it, because, what the hell is it? Where do I get it? Who can afford it? I really don't think I can make it at home, and I'm not brown bagging pickled herring, my coworkers already hate me.

If you want us to stop being fat, start slow, like we are feral children who need to be nursed back to nutritional health. Here is my totally doable, not to crazy, will work longer for lazy people diet:

Month One: Cut back on pop. Only one glass a week.
Month Two: Eat more veggies. Or start eating any veggies. Just eat more than you did.
Month Three: Eat nothing after 9:00p. This will be the hardest one.
Month Four: Really, drink a shit ton of water.
Month Five and Beyond: Quit using bacon fat, lard, Crisco, real butter, or anything else greasy that looks like it is not good for you to cook with. Use Olive Oil. It tastes better anyway.

There, now doesn't that sound like something workable for lazy people. Now if you already exercise at all, eat healthy, or actually care about your body, this diet is not for you. You have too much motivation, and will just piss the rest of us off.